Sweet Carroll Nine

After the positive start against the French we English were fairly confident as we came up against Sweden, easy win surely? Well considering we have never actually beaten Sweden it was not going to be as straight forward as first though. But as I'm English I was confident and because I was on the beers I was even more confident. England to win easy was my prediction, with that I stuck £3 on an England win and £1 on Carroll to score. After a top barbecue cooked by the local Paedofile (Jack Benham), me and 13 mates sat down on the sofa ahead of kickoff, then quickly arose again to blast out 'god save the queen' I would have got goosebumps if we had sung it better than a drowning Justin Bieber, yes we were awful lets hope England were better!
When the game finally got underway me and mates were already worst for wear and found a African drum, so next thing you know we've got a 14 man strong atmosphere going that still shits on Chelsea! It was a typical football atmosphere within my sitting room yet our celebrations were a tad better than average especially when big Andy headed home to put us in the lead! Yes you read it right Andy Carroll scored! This caused a room of nutters to become a room of mental asylum candidates as you had a little bundle and me punching the ceiling, but that just shows our pride for the country and love for Roy's boys. At 1-0 I thought we were safe its only Sweden and everyone was having a good game even Milner!  Mumbles and slurred words were ringing round the room that the job was done and we were pretty much in the quarters, Then the halftime whistle blew and we decided to compare Paddy Cowell's boob size to that of girls we all have a liking for, Paddy 1-0 Milli. Being in the state I was I thought it was suitable to ring Milli and inform her, bad move. 

Somebody cant deal with the toilet or a beer!

Then the second half started, I was confident England obviously weren't and Melberg obviously was as he quickly smashed English dreams as he slotted home with a bit of assistance from Glen Johnson and then 10 minutes later he scored again this time with his head, my thoughts on this were summed up with 1 word and that would be 'w*nker'. But then Roy made his wonder sub and that was wonder wal! 'Why not the ox? Walcott's shit and I'm an Arsenal fan' was said by a couple as he came on. But boy did he prove us wrong and sent me nutty as he smashed home from outside the box. My reaction to this was to run topless around the garden and belly slide, watch and learn crouchy! But Walcott's goal raised lots of questions such as 'Why don't we shoot from outside the box?' He proved that you score if you do! The nerves grew as the seconds ticked by and my money was slowly running away, Then wonder Wal once again produced a bit of magic in the 78th minute as he slipped past a couple of defenders and crossed it in to Welbeck who produced a worldie of a finish to stick us 3-2 up! I was in love with Walcott however I found Joe Harris running round the garden with me and thought he will do and shared a little hug and kiss with him, not in a gay way. Then the nerves grew as we could just see Sweden scoring, for once I was not confident, must be the beer! Luckily Ibrahimovic was about as much use to Sweeden as toilet paper is to an Arab. Then the fulltime whistle blewand I think it was obvious that the win meant a lot, as the room rose up to sing football's coming home! What a game and what a hero that boy walcott has become, bring on Ukraine! My main question of the night is 'who shat on the toilet seat?' I'm still worried by that lads. However  who cares we won, Footballs coming home, come on England, we can do it we've got Walcott!